creating an evening filled with a picture-perfect sky
mirroring an untouchable dream of what will be
although the frame is cracked and bruises bleed through,
summer winds don’t blow and a black sun is burning,
I keep my head upturned hoping to mend it
and wishing the pain would subside
I wish you could tell me why
I wish you could teach me to like the day
but that is not possible, it’s asking too much
love me and help me, give me an arm to lean on
a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear
what more can I expect from someone as human as I am?
on such a supposedly pivotal day in my life
I can’t feel the importance of it
and despite the good things, I can not feel good
   but for once in a very long time I realize that there is
something I don’t want to give up
no matter how awful I feel
my life has been saved by some ordinary people who have become
   so special to me
tomorrow my gratefulness for life will fade away as I sink once
   again into my “normal” frame of mind
but that specialness will remain with me, it has to
after complaining about life month after month
   you still listen
and after breaking an important promise,
instead of finding the anger I expected,
I found understanding, and as the guilt washed over me
   twice in a row
someone was there telling me it was okay, and I
   was forgiven
I’ve finally seen how hurting myself not only hurts me,
   but hurts those close to me, in more ways than one
the bond is now stronger than it ever was
and it made me realize that there are some who do care about me
so on this sweet 16th birthday that isn’t so sweet
I just want to thank you for saving me while I’m in the frame
   of mind to say it sincerely
I don’t think I could have survived this long by myself
and I appreciate the hugs and gifts and kind words
so remind that I say this on those struggling nights
that if there’s anything left for me to live for
it’s to upkeep the ties of friendship that keep me holding on

9/9/98