His name was Bill. He lived on the streets but he was a good man, and by that I mean he didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, and didn’t do drugs. He had a good personality, good looks, and a lot of charm. There wasn’t a lady around that hadn’t at least been on a date with him.

Well, one day, he was walking around the town hoping to find a couple of quarters lying around when two girls he had dated walked up to him and handed him a big box. Then after they left, all the other girls he had known handed him a box exactly like the first one he received. He figured they were all the same thing, but he didn’t have a clue as to what they might be.

He went back to what he called home, but it was nothing more than a rather large cardboard box. He already had twenty boxes inside and he was carrying another ten. He took the lid off one and inside he found a girdle! Then he opened another and it was the same thing. When they all were opened, he had thirty girdles scattered around him. “Are these girls trying to tell me something?” He looked in the mirror and patted his stomach. “Nope, still as thin as a toothpick! Wonder what I’m going to do with all these.”

The next morning while he was doing his early morning search for food, people were gasping at the sight of him. One person finally got the nerve to ask him how he got so fat in one night. “Well, all my ex-girlfriends gave me a girdle and since I had nothing better to do with them, I decided to ear them all. Is there a problem?”

“No, no, of course not. It’s just that since you’re using so many they seem to be doing the opposite of what they’re intended to do.”

“Oh well, I don’t care. Now if you don’t mind, I’m hungry.” And with that he left.

Now he was all over the news known as Girdle Man. I am the director of “Sienfielding” and thought our character Krater could use a friend named Girdle Man for a few episodes. It might improve our ratings, so I found him and asked him.

“Being on ‘Sienfielding’ would be great! How will my last episode go?”

“Well, we’re going to put you in a giant girdle and fling you across the world. Hopefully you won’t miss the target because we don’t have enough money for parachutes.”

“Won’t there be a stunt man?”

“Nope.”

“How many dead Presidents do I get?”

“Dead Presidents?” I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

“How much cash do I get?” he said with a little irritation in his voice.

“Hmmmm, I’d say about five –hundred thousand…if you ever get back.”

“If? It sounds a little risky.” He thought for a while and I started to get restless. “Well, ok,” he said with some hesitation. “I’ll do it.”

The ratings improved greatly, especially for Girdle Man’s last episode. This was it, the big moment. I let go of the string and he was gone.

Unfortunately, he came back. “Sienfielding” was becoming America’s number one show, but we still had little money, five-hundred thousand to be exact. That is the reason the number one show on TV got cancelled after six years on the air.