They knew. Everyone knew. As I listened attentively, they stared. When I walked down the street, I could feel them watching me. If I did one thing wrong, made one wrong move, they would kill me. Everyone would try to analyze what I said, As if there would be some hidden message. If there was, they could kill me. It would be a good excuse. But I was careful in my actions in my speech. I did exactly what the voices told me, because they saved me.

Then there were the “mind-probers.” They all wore business suits and had pencil and paper in hand. They’d ask me questions and write something down. Then they would ask me what the voices told me to do. “To kill you,” I’d always say. They would look at me, expressionless, and I could feel them trying to get in my head, trying to probe my mind. I always blocked them off.

“Your son is deeply troubled,” they’d tell my parents. “He should see a specialist.” Then they’d give my mom the name of a different mind-prober in another state that was supposedly much better and more expensive.

I would never see the same one more than twice. I would discourage them by blocking off my mind, so they would send me to someone better. Each one tried to find a reason to kill me, but the voices never let me slip up. Finally, with all my strength, I blocked out the last one. Instead of telling my parents to send me to someone else, they said:

“Well, I think your son is stable enough to go to school. Getting to be around people his age might help a great deal.”

That was two months ago. Now I was sitting in biology class, studying for a test. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around.

“Matthew said to wait for him after class,” a girl said.

“OK,” I whispered back.

Matthew was one of my friends. Actually, he was my only friend. He took a liking to me right away. He said I was a good listener. He talked about as parents, about his girlfriend… about all kinds of things you don’t normally tell people. In return, I told him Things about myself, but I never told him about the voices or mind-probers because he already knew.

When he and I were alone, that fact was even more apparent. The voices always reminded me, and told me to kill him, and then I would have to battle them. Matthew pretended to be oblivious to the argument, though I was screaming so loud in my head that it would be impossible not to hear. The voices would shout at me to pick up a knife and stab him, and I would shout back louder that he was my friend and I couldn’t do it. It would go on during the whole conversation, but Matthew never seemed to notice.

Somewhere, deep inside of me, I believed that Matthew didn’t want to kill me. Whenever the fought started to come into my mind, though, the voices would crush it, and the sane part of myself would tell me I was crazy. I knew that this sane part of my mind was always right, that of course Matthew wanted to kill me, but sometimes I still wanted to believe that irrational part of me. When the voices would start shouting at me to kill Matthew, that crazy part would strike out full force against the voices, and it always triumphed. It seemed that part grew weaker after each battle, and after each battle my hand got closer and closer to the knife until the voices were quiet again and I can pull my hand away.

Someone called my name, bringing me out of my deep thought. It was Matthew.

“Douglas? The bell rang. Didn’t you hear it?”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was just daydreaming. You needed me to wait for you after class anyway.” I quickly packed my books and stood up. “Let’s start walking down the hall so we’re not late for class.” In actuality, I couldn’t have cared less about being late for class. I just didn’t want to be alone with Matthew because I felt too weak and tired to fight with the voices.

We walked out into the hall. I felt everyone stare at me, but I ignored them.

“Well, here it is,” Matthew said. “Tomorrow is Halloween, and I’m going to have a haunted house. I was just wondering if you could help me out.”

I thought about it for a minute. If I did this, I could prove myself to everyone, show them I’m not crazy. I do something normal that other people do all the time. I wouldn’t screw up. I knew the voices wouldn’t let me do that. “Sure, I’m not busy,” I said. But suddenly, all the voices starting yelling at me again. He’ll kill you, they chanted. What better place than a haunted house? That crazy, insane part of me didn’t believe it though, and I said, “It really sounds like fun.”

“Great!” Matthew said. “This is going to be the coolest haunted house! Can you stay after school? I can take you home later, but I need some help setting everything up.” I nodded. “Well, here’s my class,” he said. “I’ll see you later!”

Matthews’s haunted house looked great. I had helped him hang cobwebs and ghosts, and we had made a maze in the basement; we even rigged up some monsters that would pop up when the kids stepped on a hidden switch. It took a lot of work, but we did it. When we were through, I couldn’t help thinking that it was a lot like my mind, one big, confusing, complex maze, and sometimes disturbing thoughts popping up of nowhere and surprising me.
“Douglas? Hello? Are you even here?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” I had gotten carried away in my thoughts again.

“Is something wrong? That’s the second time you’ve done that today.”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just tired, that’s all. What did you ask me?”

“I said I have two jobs left. You take one, and I’ll take the other. I either need you to take up the money at the door, or be a man with a chainsaw.”

I couldn’t decide which to be. Taking up the money could be dangerous. Being along with a bunch of little kids, I might strangle one. At least they would move past quickly if I were actually working in the house. They’d move by so fast from fright that I wouldn’t have time to hurt one of them. The chainsaw, the chainsaw, I heard the voices say. Be the man with the chainsaw.

“I’ll be the man with the chainsaw.”

Matthew explained that what I would do is stand behind a door, and step toward the kids, then back away. It sounded it easy enough.

“I’ll go back to the chainsaw and costume. Just a minute,” he said.

After Matthew left, I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling. It was relaxing to me because it never changed. I could concentrate on one spot and ignore the voices. When I looked at the ceiling this time though, it seemed to be shifting and swirling. It was making the dizzy. Suddenly, there was a bump behind me. It’s Matthew, with the chainsaw! Quickly, he’s going to kill you! I jumped from the chair and turned around. It was Matthew, and he did have a chainsaw.

“Whoa, Douglas, calm down. I didn’t mean to scare you. Here’s your stuff.” He handed everything to me. “Try on the costume real quick.”

“OK. I was half asleep, I’m sorry. I started pulling on the costume, feeling stupid that I’d forgotten that the chainsaw was for me.

“You gave me a scare. I swear you had a look of pure murder in your eyes. Are you sure you’re OK?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I must have been having a bad dream.” I realize that wasn’t a complete lie either. “Look at the ceiling. Is it moving at all?”

Matthew looked up. “No, it’s not moving. Uhhh, why don’t I take you home? You may be catching something. You’ll feel better after some rest.”

Even though that wasn’t the problem, I decided to go along with it. “Yes, I guess you’re probably right. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning so I can still help you out.”

Matthew still stared at me strangely. I would have to be much more careful tomorrow. I took off the costume and Matthew drove me home.

As I started up to my house, he shouted out the window, “Hope you feel better tomorrow!”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure I will!” I walked into the house and lay down on my bed. For some reason, during the whole time with Matthew, the voices were whispering in the back of my mind instead of telling me to hurt Matthew like they usually did. Before I could think about it too much though, I’d drifted off to sleep.

The next day at school was uneventful. The day when on as any other day, boring and seemingly pointless, except the voices told me they had plans. They didn’t say what, but there were plans for me.

I got home as quickly as possible from school and laid down for a nap. As I was falling asleep, the voices started telling me things. They had plans for me to follow once I got to the haunted house. I looked up at the ceiling to see its swirling again. Around and around it went, all the while I was getting dizzy and light-headed. The voices kept talking, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. The ceiling just spun around and around…

A car horn beeped, bringing me out of my hypnotic state. I looked out the window. It was Matthew.

“Come on, Douglas! You’re not even ready!”

“I fell asleep! I’ll only be a minute,” I shouted out of my window.

I dressed into the costume quickly, and ran out to Matthew’s car. “Douglas, are you still sick? Don’t lie to me.”

“No, I’m much better today. I was just tired from school.” Something big was going to happen at Matthews’s haunted house, something to do with me, but I wasn’t allowed to tell him. The voices said he would kill me for sure if I told him. I didn’t want to believe them, but after what had happened yesterday at his house, I didn’t want to take any chances.

As I sat in the seat with my hands on the chainsaw, I have a strong urge to hit Matthew on the head with it. If I killed him and got it over with, the voices wouldn’t keep telling me to do so. I was close, so very close to doing it, and even that crazy part of me couldn’t stop me. The only thing that stopped me was the sudden realization that if I did that, I’d most likely get killed in some sort of car wreck. The voices and I decided that it was better if Matthew was alive right now.

Once we arrived, it was almost dark. Matthew showed me where to stand and then we had some candy to eat, along with his other friends. They all stared at me from underneath their masks, I know they did. But I didn’t say anything. I would have to deal with them later. While in the basement I would have to keep an eye out for them, because they wanted to kill me. I wouldn’t mind hitting them with my chainsaw, I just couldn’t do it to Matthew since he was my friend, and I couldn’t understand what had come over me in the car. Then, it was time to start.

“Places everyone!” Matthew shouted. “I want this haunted house to be talked about all through school, so make it good!”

I went downstairs to my place in the basement. The Matthew turned on the flashing Lights we had hung up, started some scary music, and then I heard him tell the kids outside to start lining up.

Don’t hurt them, Douglas, the voices said. This isn’t the time. Just let them go. The kids came downstairs, I heard them coming. Not yet, Douglas. The kids walked around the corner and when I stepped toward them, they screamed and ran into the maze.

“Good luck!” I yelled to them. I knew they’d have a hard time getting through there.

Another group of kids walked through. It’s still wasn’t time. I kept wondering what it would be time for, but the voices just kept saying that it wasn’t time. Then another group came, and in the maze I heard them run into some of the monsters we had set up. This was a great house.

Now all, Douglas, start the chainsaw when they come… The voices gave me instructions and I paid attention. I heard the group of kids come. It was time.

When they walked around the corner I started chainsaw. I had left the chain on and the kids stared in wide-eyed horror as I walked towards them, and didn’t stop.

Everything was a blur. I heard kids scream, their faces just flashed by. I kept walking towards them and the next thing I knew there was blood on my hands, and on the chainsaw. The screaming had stopped. I heard Matthew coming down the stairs.

“Douglas? What’s going on? Douglas?” he stepped in to the room. “Douglas, what… what the hell did you do? Oh my God!”

Kill him! NO, I shouted back. “Matthew, get out of here.” Kill him! “Get out of here Matthew, before you get hurt!” Kill him! “Matthew, go!” I screamed. NO NO NO, I shouted in my mind. He’s my friend, I won’t kill him! Matthew ran up the stairs. I heard him run out of the house, no doubt to get the police officer that lived next door.

I heard the cop start coming down the stairs. I would kill him.

“Douglas? Are you OK? Put the chain saw down, I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

I shook my head. He pulled out a gun.

“Put it down, I said.”

I shook my head again.

Kill him!!! I screamed and ran at the police officer. In slow motion I saw three bullets fire out of the gun… right before they hit me…

I woke, covered in sweat and my heart racing in my chest. It had all been a dream. Just like the one I had every night. Thank God. I looked around the room, it was all white, and to the floor was soft. My head was itching, but when I tried to move my arm, I couldn’t.

I looked down at the clothes I was wearing. “The jacket!” I screamed. “The jacket! Take this damn jacket off me!” I kept screaming and screaming, and looking all around, looking for them. They always came after my dream. And then, as usual, they came.

They were the kids I had killed, teasing and taunting me. Their Faces would swirl around my head, much the same way they had when I had killed them. They would tickle me because I couldn’t move. They laughed because no one would listen to me. I was nothing but a crazy person now, and I was no better off than they were. “I hope you’re burning in Hell!” I yelled at them, although I knew it wasn’t possible. I’m sure this was heaven to them. As their faces swirled, in unison they all started screaming, and I couldn’t plug my ears, because I couldn’t move my arms. It was an ear-splitting, nerve-shattering scream, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t close my eyes either. I could see them all screaming at me, pointing at me… it was all my fault…

“Go away, go away, go away!” I screamed at them. But, there was nobody listening.